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I don't think I've ever met an enneagram 6. What's up with that? Is it a regional, cultural thing? Do I just not have enough friends to be statistically representative?

Wow I have learned a lot about sixes! I even see some of the sixness... Was in me all along...

@Aubrianne
I am in South Bend Indiana. Most of the peer group being advanced degree non-profit folk. Maybe that is part of it? Lots of 3 and 6’s seeking advanced degrees for safety and being seen to excel?

@Aubrianne I think most people are 6s, so that's pretty weird.

@DevSorrell that's what I've heard! Maybe not in the Pacific Northwest though?

@DevSorrell probably. I guess I only have like a half-dozen friends so statistically there would be some gaps!

@Aubrianne I haven’t met any 6 either. I’ve found a lot of 4,5,8 and 9 though. I’m a 1w9 and I haven’t found any dominant 1’s either.

I hope you find some kindred spirits here soon!

@Angelica my spouse is a 1w9! Basically he spends all his time conflicted over people being wrong and not knowing how to tell them so, haha

@Aubrianne 😂😂😂 haha that sounds about right. It’s a tough life... we didn’t choose it, it chose us.

@Aubrianne I usually don’t have that much of a problem just saying what needs to be heard though.... people don’t tend to like it very much. It has made for some awkward situations at times. Mostly for my poor husband. 😂 I’m jk I usually keep it to myself unless it’s a loved one who needs some truth to help them out of a rough spot. Otherwise I just silently watch people be wrong and eat popcorn.

@Angelica I can't tell you how many times I've proofread agonizingly-constructed emails and such for him to check "that he doesn't sound like a jerk". They're inevitably sprinkled with happy faces

@Aubrianne you mean happy faces don’t lessen the blow and make it all better? 😩🤦🏻‍♀️ no one told me! I’ve been living a lie!

@Angelica he's very kind about it but it is the work of HOURS finessing his righteous indignation down to that point

@Aubrianne I’m glad he at least recognizes this need to allow for some grace and kindness when enlightening people. I recognize it more now that I am older and have learned to have a filter and understand that people who think like me are not very common. I was very blunt for most of my life and didn’t understand why people felt the need to use white lies, or cut corners, or settle/compromise. Now that I’m older I try to take time to think of how my husband would approach things before I speak.

@Aubrianne it’s good that he has you to help him! Spouses are such a gift for us 1w9 folks.

@Angelica oh I am a four and we are probably overrepresented! So yes!

@Aubrianne I just assumed you were a 6 because you were asking about it. Haha sorry! There really are a lot of 4’s on here, but that’s cool, you guys make up a lot of the awesome people who help make this community possible!

@Aubrianne That seems ironic considering that I've heard 6s are one of the most represented types! I know a handful myself.

@jeremyb hence my confusion! What part of the world are you from?

@Aubrianne I live in Colorado currently, but I've known 6s on both the east and west coasts of the US as well. Those are all in retrospect, as I only found out about the Enneagram after moving to Colorado.

@jeremyb @Aubrianne is that so? Interesting! I really haven’t met a 6 yet... I think. Maybe I need to go read some more intros/profiles again. Haha

@Angelica @jeremyb yeah maybe I just don't recognize them because I'm so busy trying to seem interesting 😁

@Aubrianne @Angelica This is just my impression, but I feel like 6s are less likely to join a community like this? Many of the 6s I've known tend to stick with things that feel known and safe to them. That could explain part of it, maybe.

@Aubrianne I think it’s just not as likely a number to be drawn to the Liturgists. They already carry enough worry - they don’t need Science Mike making them question basic tenants of reality at any given time. 😂 I thought Ian Cron actually stated they’re the most common number overall, on the enneagram episode of

@Usernamesaredifficult I also wonder if the ultra-snobbishness of a 1/4 power couple scares them off!?

@Aubrianne I have no idea... I would think a 6 may actually gravitate to the certainty of a 1 though? We need a 6 to tell us...

@Aubrianne Are you familiar with the two distinct types of 6s- phobic and counterphobic? I am unaware of there is a counterphobic 6 in my life but my stepmom is definitely a phobic 6. She is incredibly loyal to her employer and pastor. And plans for worst case scenarios.

@LiveYourValues @Aubrianne I'm also in the Pacific Northwest and haven't met many 6s. And as a spouse of a 1 (and we suspect w9) I totally hear you on the proofreading emails thing. It's my job in the relationship to hit the send button.😅

@Brandon @Aubrianne we found one! Tell us about 6 life... are you phobic or counterphobic? Are you drawn to or repelled by 1s and 4s?

@Aubrianne @jeremyb 6 here! Just want to offer a counterpoint to what I believe is a myth about 6's being the most numerous--it's very similar to how many women raised in evangelical christianity are taught to present as 2's. Church culture in the 80's, when the enneagram started spreading, was very hierarchical; this, the idea goes, produced more congregations that presented as sixes.

@Aubrianne @jeremyb Chris Heuertz explains it better than I do though. Check out the 55m mark in "Sleeping at last" episode 15. Chris Heuertz is a pupil of Richard Rohr, and seems to be on the leading edge of Enneagram stuff these days.

sleepingatlast.podbean.com/e/e

@Baravis @Aubrianne That makes a lot of sense! I've always wondered about the whole bit about 6s being more prevalent. I don't know how you'd even measure.

I just started listening to the Enneagram episodes on the Sleeping at Last podcast this morning. I'm looking forward to making it through them all and can't wait for them to be finished!

@Baravis @jeremyb interesting, that may be true. That gets back to me initial instinct that the is something regional or cultural at play here. Maybe they're less represented in my area and generation

@Aubrianne @jeremyb Or maybe they're just afraid of you. ;)

I'm in Alberta, Canada. E by NE of Seattle iirc. Frankly I don't know anyone up here who has ever heard of the Enneagram, so my experience won't be entirely useful. I'm also not sure I would ever claim that a friend group could be statistically representative--we choose people for our lives in a pretty biased manner.

@Baravis @jeremyb yeah I've got a lot of social anxiety so I present myself as kind of aloof so I don't have to engage 👍👍 That's definitely healthy right?

@Aubrianne @jeremyb Hahaha, totally healthy.

So, you were curious about sixes--I'll give you how I sometimes feel when people are aloof, just as an explanatory example. As a part of who I am I want to know who I can trust, and part of knowing I can trust someone is that I believe they're being real with me. I'm very good at ferreting out bullshit. But bullshit isn't the problem, it's about whether someone is being HONEST with me about the bullshit. Can I trust them to be truthful with me?

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