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coming out 

So I am married to a man and just had the realization last October that I am bi. Part of me feels that if I were to come out to my family they would just ask why it was even important to share if I am already married. Like I made my pick and that’s all there is to it. But the other part of me feels like this has been hiding deep inside me for so long and I need to share it. Any suggestions or stories of coming out would be encouraging. This is the only space I currently am “out.”

coming out 

@Birdie no advice, just love. 💜💜

coming out 

@Birdie
Love and support from me as well.

coming out 

@Birdie Thanks for being brave! SAME HERE. Was married 8 years to a man, currently dating a man, but it has been becoming more important to me to be open about being bisexual. I have a very fundie-evangelical family, and I don't know if I should tell them or just let it slide (they're already angry over my divorce and my leaving faith), but I want to be supportive to others identifying LGBTQ+ and that makes me want to speak up. I don't know what's right, but I'm happy you're here. <3

coming out 

@bipinnate that is such a hard spot to be in! Thank you for sharing as well. I do have an uncle that is married to his husband that he has been with for probably 15+ years but my immediate family would most likely not be fans. I have the added layer of wanting to share our ideas of becoming polyamorous but that is still just at discussion level for my husband and I.

coming out 

@Birdie I once heard this podcast matthiasroberts.com/queerology on the journey of this woman embracing her bisexuality while in a straight passing relationship. You might find it relatable.

You have our support <3

coming out 

@Birdie I'm a straight guy married to a bi, gender fluid spouse. It took them 17 years of marriage to come out. We're still married four years later. So no advice, just an acknowledgement that you are not alone.

coming out 

@andy12 thank you for sharing! Has your spouse come out to any family? You can totally DM if that’s too personal.

coming out 

@Birdie Not too personal. Their family is agnostic. My spouse's teenaged rebellion was joining the church. My sister-in-law is now my brother-in-law, too, within the past two years. So there is no sense of shame on their side of the family.

coming out 

@andy12 @Birdie Hi Birdie, I'm also in a marriage where my spouse came out to me (she came out as transgender). We are happily together still. Always open to talk if you want, coming out to family is probably one of the scariest things we've done.

coming out 

@Birdie Thank you for sharing your story. I am in a verrry similar place. Married to my husband 12+ years, two kids. I only recently realized that the way I’ve always viewed the world, places me in the LGBTQ+ community (bi, pan). I’ve shared this with a small handful of people. In doing so, I’ve realized that it’s helpful to share my life experience, and during that process ask them about how theirs compares and only assigning labels later in the conversation, rather than up front.

coming out 

@beka I don’t know if it is true for you but I would get so offended and hurt by the lgbtq+ community not being accepted or for people that I looked up to telling me that it was a sin—and I didn’t realize that it was coming from a place of deep down feeling like they were telling me that a part of my own being was a sin or wasn’t accepted.

coming out 

@beka thank you for that insight in “how” to share. I never thought about doing it that way.

coming out 

@Birdie my advice is to really examine what you want out of being "out." we have this culture now, generated by people who can afford to be loud, that everyone should be out at all times, and anything else is shameful secrecy. but really, privacy and secrecy are two very different things. there are ways to end secrecy (ie, tell folks in some safer contexts) while still maintaining privacy (not being an open book for the sake of being an open book)

coming out 

@elzbieta I know that I didn’t respond to this right away but everything you said really resounded with me. Thank you for those words. I needed them. I think that the one place I want to share and be honest is with my parents and sisters. But I don’t know how they would take it out how to approach those conversations.

coming out 

@Birdie I was Evangelical for most of my life, but realized that I'm bi in the middle of it. I told my wife and one of my friends, but didn't tell anyone else . . . because I felt it didn't make a difference. It wasn't important to me, so I didn't feel the need to share. Coming out as trans, though, was too important to me not to share. (And, you know, the boobs would eventually be obvious)
How do you imagine your family would react? Supportive, or poorly?

coming out 

@AlexTheGirl the realization for me came from the fact that the reason I get so offended by people speaking poorly of lgbtq+ was not because I was this hardcore ally but actually a part of those labels so I was being hurt by every word. There are some in my family that would be completely supportive, my uncle and his husband have been together for over 12+ years. Others in the family would be really negative about it..

coming out 

@AlexTheGirl My grandparents have been known to send my uncle books on how not to be gay 🤦🏽‍♀️ and other members did not invite his husband to their wedding but only my uncle😑 So it would definitely be a split. And I think my parents in particular would be negative.

coming out 

@Birdie
All I can say is keep thinking about it. You're valid in any case!

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