Sometimes I want to get my masters in counselling and other days I want to open a coffee shop . Such extremes and I don’t know what to do with my conflicted heart!
Dug a whole too big, may not get out.
I think I've just come to realise my inability to receive positive affirmation has hidden under the others presumption of my humility.
I've realised that for my whole life this has quietly fed a crippling self doubt and imposter syndrome type distrust in people truly valuing me...
Going to place my tether here while I wander down into this cavern.
Wish me luck! See you on the other side.
history books/authors - request for info
I'm looking for writers/historians from marginalized communities with focus on the Georgian period/American revolution.
My main interest is on biographies of people, but I would benefit from most topics of that time period through a non-white, non-het, and/or Trans lens. No cishet white history bros.
Books, articles, whatever. Thanks! 🤓
So my husband, who has been *incredibly* supportive and wonderful during my deconstruction (but hasn't yet been interested in reading deconstruction-related books or to listen to any podcasts), just started reading @vishnu 's book, THIS, and absolutely LOVES it.
"If the Liturgists podcasts are anything like his book, I should probably start listening to them like yesterday."
HALLELUJAH, my husband may have converted to becoming a podcast addict with me!!!
As a woman, I don't need to be introduced first, I want to be treated as an equal. (Paraphrasing Hong Phuc). Yes! 💜💜
I don't think my meltdowns have ever really been violent. I think I tend to redirect it into mostly crying, although it is sometimes pretty violent sobbing tbh.
And some may walk the line between meltdown and shutdown. But it always takes me a really long time to recover. Usually I need to be by myself in a small space listening to music.
They are usually brought on by sensory overstimulation or lack of structure such as during a trip or vacation.
They can often happen during a trip when there is no plan and people can't agree, especially when I'm having a hard time with food already.
I had one on a recent trip when I felt like no one was listening to me.
They're very unpleasant, but I am glad to finally have words to describe and understand them. It helps me to know what I need to do to recover and avoid having them in the first place.
I think it made my whole body shake and it was probably audible.
Finally I couldn't take it and took my hands away. I sat back on the couch and hugged my knees to my chest and stroked the shirt I was wearing to calm down.
I was still crying when they stopped praying and didn't move for a while. I was exhausted afterwards and I couldn't explain what was wrong.
I went into full on fight or flight panic mode. I was just trying to survive. Thinking "just get through this" and hoping with every second that no one else would start praying.
I started sweating and crying. I worried I would offend my friends by removing my hands though logically it wouldn't have been a big deal. I didn't hear a single word of the prayers, I was focused on making it through. I started stimming rapidly with my toes in my shoes
Then they decided to do "popcorn prayer" where whoever wanted to would take turns praying aloud. I was ready to leave but figured I could just let other people pray, except they decided to hold hands.
Normally I dislike this but can get through it, but I was at my limit. I was holding hands with two friends and trying to limit the amount of times I moved to get my hair out of my eyes or adjust my position. I normally do that but this was worse.
I mentioned a meltdown in my last post so figured I'd expand on it.
The most obvious recent one to me happened after I attended church at home, drive three hours back to school, went to a church gathering at night, and then a meeting.
All of these things are pretty exhausting for me and I had already felt my tolerance wearing thin before the church leadership meeting. Then they started talking in circles endlessly during the meeting which was frustrating.
I think this is one of the reasons I prefer wide/bigger shoes- they allow me to do this even when I'm wearing them.
I was moving my toes in my shoes like this the last time I really had a meltdown- with an intensity that almost scared me. I didn't have any other outlet to stim and I needed to calm down.
I feel like I should create an anonymous Twitter so I can actually interact with these posts more, but I'm scared it will somehow sync up with my contacts still.
My friend Emily made an INCREDIBLE video for her spoken word piece about what it’s like to be a woman working in roles dominated by men. Wow, you’ve got to see this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSvKrNdXGUg
I can't recall specific episodes with content on prayer unfortunately from looking at the episode list. (it's been some time since I've listened to a lot of them, all I can say is the podcast as a whole helped me in this area)
All the best on the journey friend!
migrant issues / Facebook fundamentalists
Mastodon Liturgists Instance says yes.
I wrote a song about migrant mothers and babies being separated at the border. https://t.co/kBufLn0Ojg?amp=1
Predictably, Facebook responses include accusations that I don’t care about American children being safe, that migrant parents are “in it for the money”....which is honesty the most mind boggling of all responses to me.
I try but I just can’t understand how anybody reacts that way. Is empathy dead?
A fresh morning to kick off my #introductions
I love meaningful conversation, I love learning and questioning everything. I hope to do all this here without all the noise.
I play music and video games and when I feel I have the time I like to read.
Glad to share this space with you all.
Encountering the absurd daily. Trying to break me to make me, but stuck at the 'myself' part.
This is an instance for folks who follow The Liturgists Podcast, The Alien Podcast, and other things The Liturgists create.