I have decided that having finished Differently Morpheus, an excellent fictional audiobook written and narrated by Yahtzee Croshaw this morning, I’ll be catching up with The Adventure Zone Amnesty. I stopped at episode 8 or so, so I’ve got a good amount of episodes to listen to. I highly recommend both TAZ and Differently Morpheus.
Here you go
I’ve worked 34 hours or so the last three days and I’m ready to sleep forever now but I’ve got at least fourteen hours or more tomorrow, and then a regular day Friday.
For now it’s time to eat food and drink alcohol on the company’s dime. Perks of being sent 140 miles from home spur of the moment I guess.
I still may be murdered in my sleep, but at least then I’d get to sleep the long sleep.
Sometimes inspiration comes when you’re sitting on a bed knowing you’re less than five hours away from wake up time for a twelve hour work day in a city a hundred and forty-something miles from home in a sketchy looking hotel. But you gotta follow it.
Also I may be murdered in my sleep I don’t know this is the sketchiest hotel I’ve ever been to and tomorrow is gonna suck.
Plus side is that I’ve got a new jam I’m working on.
For those who are interested,
testosterone is not a male hormone because CIS WOMEN NATURALLY PRODUCE TESTOSTERONE
in fact, the only women who ever had zero testosterone levels are trans women.
if testosterone is a male hormone then trans women are less male than cis women, and I don't see any cis people making THAT argument EVER
@JessieGinger being vulnerable about this is incredibly difficult because of imposter syndrome.
I’m in a funk right now and I’m trying to work my way out in a way that will help me out when I get like this in the future, but the outlets I can think of are not healthy or sustainable.
I've got a feeling that not feeling valid is here to stay, at least for the foreseeable future. I was raised to believe one thing for so long, that even though I knew it was wrong, it still seemed right?
Now I have to un-train that and try to enforce who I'm trying to become. It just seems so daunting. fuck.
So I basically get stuck in this loop of being sure, then being uncertain, to acknowledging what's happening and trying to see through it, to being sure again, and then it all restarts.
I think the problem most trans people have is that they don't want to be trans, they just want to be their gender through the perceived cultural norms.
I hope that once HRT has had enough time to do its job that I'll feel more confident and not have to deal with this as much.
My subconscious is simultaneously more and less accepting of me being trans than my conscious mind. Had a dream that was really affirming but also highlighted some of my fears, and then woke up and got angry that I didn’t own the dress I had in the dream.
And then I actually think about having/wearing it, and a whole bunch of things I don’t like spring to mind.
Even trying to write them down is something I can’t do because the imposter syndrome is so convincing sometimes.
(Closeted) Trans gal doing things. It is incredibly hard to stay hydrated.
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