Hey y’all. So I’m stuck home sick for today, probably tomorrow as well. If I’m doing better by Monday I should be good., but I don’t think this time is being covered. I need help with my phone bill, which is $80. I could use some help. If you’ve got anything to spare, I would super appreciate it.

Well, I’m pretty sure I’m sick. But I have no insurance right now because of UHC fucking up something internally. I also don’t know if I’ll get any sick leave if I have to stop working for a bit.

So I’m officially out to my mom. Conversation was stressful for both of us but didn’t go too poorly. Thankfully she hasn’t been awkward since this morning. I’m going to give her time to process stuff, but I’m still not 100% certain that she’s going to come around.

‪American Evangelicals have tricked themselves so well into believing everyone not them is secretly evil, that they assume all the simple things like “don’t be homo/transphobic” are signs of moral decay‬

So yesterday we did family photos, and when we were getting ready my mom wanted to look at my shirt, and she noticed my bra strap.

Then after I threw on a sweater, thinking that would hide it. During the photos though she felt it, and then confronted me later when we were alone. She wasn’t super aggressive about it, which is something, but I’m going to have to come out to her now. Probably tomorrow morning

If I see “transgenderism” in a news headline or article again the next 366 days I’m going to vomit.

Why do I only ever feel super cute right before I go to sleep???😂😭😭😂

Can anyone spare like $25? I was supposed to get paid today, but for some reason they aren’t paying us until (maybe) tomorrow or Friday at the latest.

I need to buy some snacks and drinks for tomorrow’s Christmas celebration that I’m doing with a friends family and I’ve got less than a dollar in my bank account. I’m so mad. Fucking big yikes over here.

So yesterday I took a trip to r/transchristianity. Boy was it deeply saddening. It seemed like some of the users were still pretty chill and were doing “regular” Christian things, but the amount of disdain I saw from users there towards everyone else in the LGBT community is disgusting.

Imagine being cucked so badly by a religion/mindset that largely doesn’t give a shit/actively seeks to discriminate you, that you get caught up in hating everyone who supports you to get the church’s approval

So something I’ve noticed, I don’t feel the cold much at all when I’m having a good day. Like sub 30 Fahrenheit, t-shirt and shorts. But if it’s not a good day, it’s h*cking hard to stay warm.


@JessieGinger Turns out she has a trans son(ftm) in high school and is about to start transitioning.

So I got to talk to her for like an extra twenty minutes and she gave me a hug and stuff and it was one of the most heartwarming things that’s happened to me recently.

I was having a really bad day because of the band falling apart and I guess my dad’s having difficulty with some fine motor skills stuff and isn’t really able to play guitar a lot anymore, so this happening was such a blessing.

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Yesterday I showed up to a job and worked on a lady’s phone, and everything was pretty normal about all of it.

When I went to give her phone back, she was writing a note on a piece of paper and looked super nervous and said she wanted to ask something but didn’t want to be rude

Well, the band broke up. It wasn’t because of my lack of belief, or at least I don’t think it was directly related.

Kinda relieved and depressed.

@JessieGinger like, I don’t think they’ll kick me out of the band if I was, but it could make stuff weird.

I asked for the reason the question came up in the first place, and I didn’t really like the answer.


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@JessieGinger last one.

It’s not like I came out as Trans, and I am out to one guy already. I already told one of the others I was done with the church.

As far as the extent of my honesty went, I don’t know if I believe in god anymore. I’m probably agnostic. Idk. But that doesn’t matter.

I feel nauseous.

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So today went pretty well up, actually really well, up until about 5:30 when my band mate sent this into the band chat:

I simultaneously feel the beauty of impermanence, and constant dread about living only to die and that my existence is simultaneously meaningless and meaningful.

To be one hundred percent honest, I’d have preferred to not exist at all. Existing is fucking stupid and now I’m stuck here, existing.

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