It's incredible how deeply I believe that only a certain number of things are allowed to go right in my life before something MUST go wrong—before I "pay" for the goodness, somehow. I don't know how to operate outside of a scarcity worldview. I've been having intense anxiety lately, convinced a monster is lurking behind every good thing in my radius, waiting to introduce me to "reality" again. Anybody making any headway on ~actually believing~, on a somatic level, in a universe of abundance?

@equustel I’m reading Brene Brown’s “Daring Greatly,” she has a chapter on this (chapter 4.) She calls it “Foreboding Joy”:

“…I’d argue that joy is probably the most difficult emotion to really feel…In a culture of deep scarcity—of never feeling safe, certain, and sure enough—joy can feel like a setup…We’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Her antidote? Gratitude. She says it brings you back to present instead of fearing future. I love/ live this, as a stage 4 cancer patient.

@Julie Wow. That's it precisely. Thank you—I've been wanting to read that book for awhile; sounds like now might be the time.

And I can't imagine how much more intense this particular battle must be in your situation. All my love and respect. Sincerely. 💗


@equustel oh, thank you Ali. It’s a GREAT book, life-changing stuff for me, anyways. And thanks for your kind words- most everyone walks a hard road at some point. I’m just super grateful for those who came alongside me during my journey and gently showed me how to LOOK at things differently, which led me to FEEL things differently, which led to a transformed life. Is it weird to be grateful for a life-threatening disease? Probably- but it has changed so very much for me that NEEDED changing.

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