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Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

I've realized I can't reliably separate romantic feelings from platonic ones and I think I'm okay with that. Until now I've been trying to label feelings as one or the other based on society's assumptions of me.

I don't necessarily want a romantic relationship, but I want a deep and committed relationship that is similar in importance to most people's romantic and sexual partnerships.

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Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

That's what I want. I want a partner. I want a family of my own creation, whatever that looks like for me.

I want someone to share life with and talk to and get to know deeply. I want someone who has similar interests to me and different interests so we can teach each other.

Gender doesn't really matter. Neither does number honestly. If I find two people like this or three or a whole community, that would be nice.

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Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

I want fictive kinship. Not fictive because it's fake but fictive because we made it ourselves.

I want to be accepted as I am and know that I am not alone. To have someone to always talk. But also someone that I'm still close with if we don't talk for a while.

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Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

My mind has been running through all the worst possibilities for how my life could turn out, thinking through all the ways I could be rejected.

But last night I decided I would instead imagine the best possible outcome.

Some of it felt unrealistic, like certain family members and friends accepting certain parts of me, but this family is what I imagined.

The bond could be romantic, but it doesn't need to be

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Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

And I want to foster kids or take in people in need of a home. I want to give them the love and respect they deserve.

I want to be a community that looks out for everyone. That is a safe place for anyone in need.

I finally allowed myself to dream of an ideal future, at least for myself, and I can see my desires more clearly now.

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Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

And I don't really know how to find that or what society would think of it.

But for now I'll hold out hope. I'll hope for love, even if it's not the kind of love everyone thinks it should be.

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Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

OH! I had heard about queerplatonic relationships before, but didn't know really what it meant.

That's what I want: a queerplatonic relationship

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From AVENwiki:

A queerplatonic (or quasiplatonic) relationship is a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection (platonic) beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship. People in a queerplatonic relationship may be of any romantic or sexual orientation. A partner in a queer platonic relationship is called a zucchini.

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Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I this is a beautiful vision and I hope it becomes reality. ๐Ÿ’™

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I this is honestly amazing. I hope along with you for this.

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I Keep that hope alive. That thing you describe exists. I'm in a big complex sprawling polyamorous network that to me feels a lot like that. It doesn't magically fix everything, and it's got whole categories of problem that don't even exist in more conventional communities. But it can also be really damn good.

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I To be clear, I don't mean to suggest that yours has to look like mine. Maybe it does, or maybe it'll look totally different. I just mean something like that is definitely possible. It's possible because it exists.

@Laura_I
That's cool. I have a friend whom I love deeply. I'd say we fit this but are both married and our respective wives are deep friends also. We are a couples' couple kind of deal. Our kids also were born very close together. It's very nice. Except we live 5hrs away now :(

@Laura_I Whoa! I think this might describe my relationship with my girlfriend's husband ๐Ÿ˜ฎ I've been looking for a good term for this, thank you!!

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I @RadiantEmber wow. Thanks for putting my thoughts into words for me! This sounds like exactly the sort of relationship(s)/family I'd love to have. โค๐Ÿ˜

Personal thoughts about relationships 

@Laura_I @RadiantEmber I mean, I'm not really Ace, maaybe leaning towards demisexual, but that aside, this sounds absolutely perfect!

Personal thoughts about relationships 

@nat @Laura_I The reason I put Ace originally was to include the whole spectrum, the asexual and aromantic spectrums, so yeah! But also yeah it's not just limited to those people either

Personal thoughts about relationships 

@RadiantEmber @Laura_I you favorited my replies twice. I'm honored! ๐Ÿ˜„

Personal thoughts about relationships 

@nat @Laura_I hehe well you tagged me in both places which was nice

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I same! I'm ace and it took me a really long time to figure out where I stood romantically, and struggling a little with what's platonic affection and what's romantic.
I eventually settled on a similar conclusion to yours.

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I There is a term for that feeling WTFromantic

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@forAll52 haha yeah I think it's pretty accurate. I've mostly been calling it gray-romantic though

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I whatever fits, both are definitely aro-spec

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@forAll52 yeah it's definitely like wtf, or quoi or huh?

Like I'm opposed to some parts of romance, but I'm not sure if I like any of the parts of it because of the romance you know. Like it's just a nice thing to be close to someone, it doesn't have to be romantic.

But I'm not completely opposed to dating someone, I just wouldn't want to do a lot of romance stuff lol

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I There is a serious possibility that I'm aro. I've been less sure of it because I'm not as "ack! no" as I am about sex, but I've also never felt a need and I realize some things about myself would make that really hard to work out

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I I'd rather have deep friendships than romance

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@forAll52 Yeah, same, but I also feel like there's definitely something queer in the attraction I feel for people as far as friendships go.

Like I want a romantic relationship but without the romance parts, but maybe some of them idk.

If romance was more clearly delineating from platonic things, I could probably say pretty clearly I'm aro.

It may also be that a romantic relationship is the only visible thing close to what I want

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@forAll52 like our media doesn't give many representations of a life partnership that isn't romantic, and spouses are supposed to be your closest friend

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I I don't think I would do "life partnership" if that includes living with someone else. There are so many things about me that are basically impossible to deal with if I were living in the same place as another person

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@forAll52 hmm yeah that makes sense. I think I wouldn't mind living with someone else if we had separate rooms and didn't just spend all of our time together.

But I feel like you can also have a really close relationship even if you don't live together.

I can usually go without seeing someone for a while and be fine, but I know a lot of people don't like that

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I Usually my biggest reason I have trouble with that is "I don't know the social rules for how long you are supposed to wait to contact someone, I also don't know how long that other person would want me to wait so I should give them space and wait for them to contact me"

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@forAll52 Oh yeah, I just like....don't really contact people.

Like why would I call or text someone if I don't have something to talk to them about??

This is why I need recurring events to go to so I can actually have what they call "friends"

I mean I think someone's my friend if we had a class together once and talked some afterwards

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I I get really stuck with smalltalk. This is actually a big reason online spaces have made me less isolated. Jump into "real stuff"

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@forAll52 Yeah it's nice to have friends I can just find in a certain place (on the fediverse). So I don't have to contact people specifically but can talk to them when they pop up in my feed

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I I don't think I would do "life partnership" if that includes living with someone else. There are so many things about me that are basically impossible to deal with if I were living in the same place as another person

Personal thoughts about relationships, pretty Ace 

@Laura_I Also I don't like the way many people treat each other when seeking romance and sex. not good

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