Kinda gonna mix together gender identity and gender expression in this post. I know they are separate things, but the connections between them are helping me to make sense of things.

I've been thinking about how as a kid I never saw myself as a "tomboy" though I pretty much completely rejected femininity. I think it's because I also rejected masculinity. I wasn't masculine by virtue of being not feminine, I was neither.

Gender never seemed like that big of a deal to me.


I didn't really understand why anyone would change their behavior based on the gender they were told they were. I'm just me and I've always been me.

I've never liked things that were heavily gendered, whether towards masculinity or femininity or both. I think this is one reason I'm deeply uncomfortable around weddings and dances and sports and similar things.

Pretty much the only time I thought much about gender was to fight against the gender stereotypes that trapped me.

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I argued a lot about there not really being differences between boys and girls. Honestly looking back some of my arguments didn't make sense, but they were based on my own perceptions of gender.

I still don't think anyone should ever be constrained by their gender, whether assigned to them or not.

But I wanted to prove that girls could feel certain ways or not do certain things, because see I wasn't. I wanted people to stop fitting me into gendered boxes.

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It bothers me that because of my appearance, I would have to present pretty masculinely to be perceived as androgynous. And I don't want to present masculinely, that's the thing. I don't want to present as feminine either.

I want to be myself. I've always just been me, Laura.

I don't feel a strong sense of gender, I feel a strong sense that gender is wrong for me. It doesn't fit right, it's confining.

So I'm pretty comfortable identifying myself as agender.

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I think that describes my feelings well. I only have any strong feelings about gender because it's forced on me and on everyone.

If concepts of gender didn't exist, I would be perfectly happy. I am not connected to them at all.

So yeah, agender. Nonbinary. Gender non-conforming. All are me.

(I like enby as a term, but not feeling it strongly for myself right now. We'll see if that changes)


This is actually the video that prompted this. I posted it before I finished the video and she went on to say even more of exactly how I was feeling.

I told y'all their videos were good. She's awesome.

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@Laura_I LB : most of this still applies, though I'm not always comfortable with that name, sometimes I am.

I think it depends on who is using it and how they are using it.

I also like using enby for myself now. Not as like a primary descriptor, but especially in cute or fun things, like talking about how cute enbies are :blobcatheart:

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