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to the poly liturgists out there,

how has this form of relationship helped and hindered your primary spousal relationship? this is such a new topic for me so forgive my ignorance!

@Matt_Fox I'm as cishet as they come, but have done some academic work on the topic. (Spoiler alert, there's almost no talk of this from a Christian perspective). Robert Goss wrote an article on this topic for the journal "Theology and Sexuality" that I can share, plus I've got a paper with some of my ideas.

@Matt_Fox I’m about to find out. 😂. Curious about this answer. I have poly friends that say it has helped their primary relationship and renewed attraction. And I’ve known people who became poly right before ending their relationship. Like everything, I’m sure it depends on the people and the health of their relationship.

@chadow lol that's great, let me know how it works out 😂😂

@chadow @Matt_Fox I’ve heard similar things, but only from podcasts and blogs. The fact that becoming poly requires increased communication with your partner(s), it opens people up to conversations about feelings, preferences, and fantasies that otherwise are never brought up. It can be eye opening and reinvigorating for relationships.

@drew @Matt_Fox 1/2 I agree. I only have experience from being in open dating relationships when I was younger. In some ways it was easier because it felt like the stakes weren’t as high (now married and have a kid). I do remember getting to a point where I felt like my whole life was consumed with processing feelings in various relationships. At the time I remember feeling like it was all too self involved/selfish (perhaps some lingering Christian guilt ???).

@drew @Matt_Fox 2/2 also I certainly was guilty of distraction... I.e when I knew a partner was going out with someone else, I was able to go out with friends or on another date etc. Now that there is a kid involved I am imagining myself having to stay at home to watch him and having to vigilantly battle my dark side / jealousy all on my own.

@chadow @Matt_Fox Jealousy is an issue that's often covered in those podcasts and blogs I mentioned -- but I don't recall any examples of poly parents (though I'm sure there are exmples I hjust aven't found yet). I think similar coping methods could work, though. Have a hang session with other dads? Like a dad play date? Of course, communication with your partner will be paramount before and after the date. Walking through expectations (not necessarily *rules*) will be important.

@Matt_Fox I'm curious about this topic too. To go deeper, I'm curious about what the goal is in a poly relationship. What's the purpose? What does one try to get or accomplish out of it?

Maybe those aren't the right questions, but as a married hetero male I find it difficult enough to be a good partner to my one wife.

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