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34 y.o. mother of 2 tiny humans & 1 problematic Corgi in a constant state if existential crisis. Ex enthusiastic Southern Baptist, ex environmental scientist. Now I'm a climate change & environmental justice activist + heretical Methodist. I have about 3 days per week of atheism & the other 4 I'm an Ecofeminist Christian mystic? 4w3 which is REAL TIRING Y'ALL. I live in Alabama. Happy to be here, you beautiful weirdos ❤️

#TheLiturgists #introductions 

@krriistie she is thanks. She is also THE DEVIL. Both things are true. I feel like Liturgists can handle the paradox...😆♥️

@Melissa Ooooh I'm all about the ecofeminist Christian/Christic mystic lyfe. Also, getting drunk most nights is low-key the law student life. You know, in case you were curious 😜

@Melissa hey! I'm also a 4w3, its so exhausting! I love what you've written, I'm seriously looking at going to a Methodist church. Do you enjoy it?

@nathanaelfilbert Hi friend! OK. The short answer is yes.I love the Wesleyan Quadrilateral & prevenient grace theology constructs, & my church is super ideogically diverse (not racially, to be clear). There are people here I love & trust. The longer answer is that it's a tough time to enter the UMC denomination. I'd really suggest u read up on why b4 trying it. @mike did episodes of Ask Science Mike podcast with his Methodist pastor friend called Ask Pastor Betsey, can't rec. them enough.

@nathanaelfilbert @mike In the most recent Ask Pastor Betsey, she answers a question (that I sent in, so of course I love it LOL) about the UMC, I want to say it's maybe 30 min in? Doesn't take long to listen, & she gives the wisest answer I've heard. Highly recommend.

@nathanaelfilbert it varies so much church to church - UMC is not a monolith AT ALL. I lead a Sun School class that has BIPOC, queer, & trans folks in it. The UMC church across town is against gay marriage. And we're in the same denomination. It's wild. You have to research the individual church to know what you're getting.

@Melissa @nathanaelfilbert Word. When I looked into going back to my childhood UMC, I emailed to ask whether they're open and affirming. The person responding didn't delete their email chain with the pastor, so we saw "I think you [the pastor] are affirming, but I can't say that about our congregation." That was a sad day.

@drew @Melissa that sucks drew and I can imagine slightly awkward to read behind the scenes :( Drew do you attend there or somewhere else or not at all?

@nathanaelfilbert @Melissa Awkward for sure, but I haven't attended that church since early high school, so the people in the email chain were all strangers to me. More recently my family and I attended a Nazarene church, but have left to find an open and affirming congregation. So far, no luck. These days, most Sunday mornings are at home—with pancakes! 🥞

@drew @nathanaelfilbert @Melissa the struggle to find a community that is affirming and cares about community, climate change, social justice, et al is real. I’ve found the time spent over pancakes to be much more worthwhile in my spiritual life anyway 😉

@Melissa This is soooo helpful thank you! So what I'm hearing you say is that each physical church is probably going to be different and I should check out each one with an open mind and ask questions. I will do that! I will also listen to that episode again. I did a while back but it would be good to have the refresher. I don't remember them discussing the "tough time" you mention but I'll try to catch it on the re -listen. Thanks a million!

@abigail @nathanaelfilbert for me it's all the feeeeeeeelings while also being driven to do things that MATTER (in all caps). E.g. since I'm interested in environmental issues, I get 4 melancholy, seeing tragedy & connections in the universe, then w3 kicks in & I have to DO SOMETHING that will make a REAL difference as measured by Three success paradigm. So I am driven to exhaustion & never enough, while crying? Does that make sense? It's hard for me to believe I am ever enough

@abigail what # are you? I know you talked about it earlier but I don't recall. Want to say 9?

@abigail oh gotcha! I fought the Enneagram thing for a long time. It's not magic. It's not scientific. You don't have to join the cult, we will still love you 😃♥️

@tommyschnabel @Melissa I love you for saying this. I need to hear it myself daily. Especially in the season I'm in right now. I feel very much not enough after a hard break up. First time I've been in love and GOD does it hurt to feel rejected

@nathanaelfilbert I'm sorry that you're going through that. I went through a really tough breakup last year too, and that doesn't make it any easier, but just know that you're not alone in this. You're doing a great job, and yeah, even when you don't feel like it, you *are* enough.

@Melissa

@tommyschnabel thank you for this. I am really feeling it today. Its almost been 4 weeks and I thought it would get better but it feels like it gets worse. I miss her so much.

What sorts of things did you do on the other side of that breakup? How did you heal and move forward? The hardest thing for me is that my desire to move on is no where near my desire to still be with her so I feel stuck. I don't want to move on, but I can't stay here either, I feel cornered.

@nathanaelfilbert I wasn't ok for a long time. My friends knew to pick up if I called because I would be ugly crying or close to it. That was the shock of losing that person in my life. And even after the shock, I had to let myself mourn, which looked like me doing a lot of sitting alone and crying. It was a lot of crying.

It may look different for you, but just know that it's ok to feel sad or miss her. Give yourself permission to miss her, it's good to feel things.

It's good to feel things.

@Melissa @abigail @nathanaelfilbert 4w5 feels the same way the struggle can be real, but at least we’ve all got each other

@Melissa Yeah it's frustrating to care so much and also be "doing repressed". Knowing we 4s can lean into 1 (or 3) and get S done is nice.

@Melissa @abigail

"then w3 kicks in & I have to DO SOMETHING that will make a REAL difference as measured by Three success paradigm. So I am driven to exhaustion & never enough, while crying? Does that make sense?"

OH HOW I HEAR YOU FRIEND! UGGGGHHH Sometimes I think have a 3 wing is the WORST. I feel torn apart by how it plays out, back and forth between just wanting to create meaning in this world but feeling like nothing I do is enough! I struggled for years with if I was actually a 4.

@Melissa @abigail @joannatillman

Everyone would say I was a 3 or a 1. Then I listened to podcast on the 4 type and just wept the whole way through. I'd never felt so known. That's when I just embraced it and have felt more in touch with myself every since. I like that I can lean into both of those aspects but resonate the most with the core stuff as a 4.

@nathanaelfilbert @Melissa @abigail I can relate to your reaction after realizing you're a 4. I hear a lot of people get angry after reading their type description, but I was just so relieved that I wasn't the only person like this. It's funny/ridiculous but I always thought I was the only one who felt this way (a very 4 thing to think, I guess! 😅 )

@Melissa

I still don't know what to do with that tension. If you have any ideas I'm all ears. I'm struggling with it a lot right now. The meaning centers of my heart are screaming at me that we're wasting our life but I can't seem to figure out what it is that I'm here to do and I'm so afraid of wasting my life away, never being known, and wasting all this precious life

....notice the dramatic 4ness emerging :)

@abigail @Melissa Oh man! So much to say here haha.

I agree with @Melissa, the hardest thing has got to be the raging emotions. In some ways they can be a delight! When they are a high. And even when you're grieving there is something about the raw intensity of just "feeling" that can make you feel alive. I've also noticed that my levels of compassion and empathy and the power to heal the hearts of others explodes when I'm in a space of deep feeling.

@nathanaelfilbert @abigail @Melissa I would add, on the more negative side of things, that you almost always feel like you're pouring more of yourself into relationships than others are. This is just because we intrinsically have more emotion to give than the average person. But it can hurt sometimes. I still love being a 4, though! (still unsure of my wing)

@Jacob @abigail @Melissa

Wow this hit a nerve in a "I feel that so much" sort of way. This happened to me recently. I feel like I put everything I had into a relationship with someone I loved and she held back so much. I just wanted her to meet me out there and it hurts that she wouldn't/couldn't

@nathanaelfilbert @abigail @Melissa
I'm sorry to hear that, dude, I've lost people like that before too. I try to remember that most of the time it isn't because they don't feel the same way I do, it's usually because they don't express the same way I do - or just don't feel as intensely as I do (who does?). And in the case of my current relationship, he doesn't express much at all, emotionally, haha. But we're both doing our best to meet halfway and that's really all you can do.

@nathanaelfilbert @Melissa You may also find some Episcopal and some Lutheran churches that have the qualities you’re looking for.

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