Deconstruction has continued into areas of my life other than faith, as it has for most of you on here it seems. Currently I’ve been wrestling with the idea of monogamy, wondering if exclusive committed relationships really are the “right” way to do it. Does anyone have insightful thoughts/experiences/resources?

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And of course, this is what comes to mind as I desperately need to study for exams 🙇🏼‍♀️

@Tori When I was younger, I enjoyed lots of romantic relationships & was not always monogamous. In middle age, I my emotional resources are much more limited. I know I could not handle meeting the needs of my children, caring for aging parents, working, etc & have energy left over for handling more than one ❤️ relationship. The one I have requires every bit of effort I can give it. I also know I want my partner to give all their ❤️ attention to our life together. I could not share gracefully.

@TrelaH @Tori I’m newly polya (about 2 years) with 1 kid and interestingly to TrelaH’s point, I think polyamory has made me a better husband and dad. Energy can be like love, the more you give/spend, the more you have/regenerate.

@adamewoods that’s really cool. How have you explained things to your kid?

@Tori she’s 3, so right now Daddy and Poppa just have some really nice friends 🤗

@adamewoods also I am interested in your process of becoming polya (or realizing you’re polya I suppose). Would you mind sharing a bit about how you got there?

@Tori I had been thinking about it for a while. Then my husband brought it up. He was very brave to do that. I was still resistant and nervous, but came around. We went ahead. It’s hard and complicated, but I’d do it again for sure. There are some books, websites, etc. More Than Two is good (although one author is a bad man) w/r/t relationships, Ethical Slut is good w/r/t sex, and queertheology.com is GREAT.

@adamewoods that’s great that you have a partner that was on the same page. Thanks for the recommendations, I’ll check them out ☺️

@TrelaH @Tori I also could not share gracefully. I think there is probably some character growth that comes from sharing your spouse, but I do not have the resources for that growth at the moment and am happy being selfish with them. (luckily they are on the same page as me)

@liz @TrelaH I think a lot of it probably has to do with a person’s patterns and expectations, and maybe even personality. I’ve noticed that I don’t seem to experience jealousy in relationships the way a lot of my friends do, and I wonder if this is actually a personal growth thing (am I more secure in myself/my trust that they love me?) or just how some people are wired

@TrelaH I can understand that. I also doubt that I’d be able to handle more than one serious partner, but I think the types of relationships in polyamory don’t all need to look like what we typically expect from a romantic relationship. But I do see how monogamy just works better for some people.

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