I started going to therapy recently. It's been so so fucking good. Because of it, I wound up discussing the 10 year old event where my brother came out to my parents and he was threatened with physical violence and forced back into the closet. We've never talked about it. Ever. I called him, with a heavy heart and told him that I love him and that his sexuality is beautiful. We cried so hard that night. So many walls were torn down and so much peace was restored. I am thankful for restoration.
Open marriage update
24 hours into non-monogamy. Most things are still the same lol. Everything seems to be imbued with both excitement and sadness. This is ok. We rearranged the house and gave ourselves separate bedrooms. Exciting and sad. We both seem to be making some plans and reaching out for dates with other people.
I feel like this is an important time to set a positive tone. To be strong and gracious. To show love by giving space. To reach out to others and show myself love 💜.
@Leah I just can’t. I’m so angry. I’m so furious with pharisaical Christians who don’t see they are condoning, even CAUSING this behavior. I’m so angry that there’s an election coming up in our own province and this bullshit is still being spread around. I’m trying so hard to remain non-political for my health and sanity, but EVERYTHING is political. Love is the ONLY answer. I don’t even know what else to say.
More personal relationship feels
😢. I am feeling so down about my relationship right now. just being around my partner is mutually triggering for each other. I feel like I am doing all the right things for myself like reaching out to friends, going to therapy, reading the right books, dancing more, finding church/ spiritual community. But I can’t get any traction in creating love at home. Having thoughts of ending relationship for the first time which I don’t want. Feeling scared/alone.
My partner of 7 years and I are about to open our marriage and start seeing other people. We had an open dating relationship years ago but still I find myself feeling a bit scared and vulnerable. I know it’s what’s best for both of us as individuals but I still have lots of heteronormative internalized voices from my past telling me this is wrong or a failure of my relationship. This is very fresh and I am just starting to reach out for resources. I have a million questions 🤯
The sermon at my church began with a quote from a book called, “Caring for Souls in A Neoliberal Age”... I felt so at home in a community that was open to investigate the ways in which capitalism has ruined relationships, made individuals isolated, chronically inadequate and less than for profit. Seeing the church as a community that can be a healing alternative to that felt powerful. I feel so hopeful that this community will actually help me to love myself and others more fully. 💕💕💕
Book recommendations for me and my dad
My dad is a conservative Christian and likes talking theology with me and we just started reading books together (just finished Finding God in the Waves). As annoying and predictable as parts of those discussions can be, I’ve come to cherish them and see them as a way for us to connect. But... I feel uninterested in any proof for or against Christianity ...I know that doesn’t go anywhere. Any good book recommendations for us?
@hillarymcbride @mike @vishnu @WilliamMatt22 thank you for the episodes this last year on body image, Embodiment, manhood and masculinity. This week for the first time ever I got a manicure with my fiance, and I loved it! I wouldn't have been confident enough in my skin or my manhood to have done that before. So thank you for helping me be more comfortable with myself and not listening to the horrible script I've been handed by patriarchy! Much love.
Paris and tank. #petsofliturgists . I assure you, this is not tanks first toot.
Tfw you peel back the veil and realize you are not the great person you thought you were and you can’t imagine how you will possibly be able to become a good human being again. #liturgistsbookclub / my actual relationship rn / 😭 😭 😭 / more than deconstructed... I feel dismembered
Relationships Jealousy Toxicity
I have been working on some irrational jealousy I have with my partner. It’s the kind of thing that I let fester and developed a bad narrative around, and that narrative sometimes takes over in my brain.
Last night it was coming up again and instead of letting it run its usual harmful course I did a loving kindness meditation towards her and kind of short-circuited it. Yay! I just need to submit to positivity. It’s there. This community helps a lot actually
I’m Chad (not “a chad”🤦♂️). I grew up Dutch Calvinist but left the church at 20. I felt I saw more true love and selflessness in social-justice/anarchist/queer/Buddhist communities, so I’ve spent my time there mostly.
I’ve felt drawn back to Christian community though. There is a certain graciousness that call-out culture/ tear-down capitalism culture often lacks that I am grateful to find here 💕. Scripture also brings me to tears 😭!
In interfaith marriage and I’m a dad!
Christian? Dad. Sometimes seeking, sometimes trapped, sometimes content. Chicago. Woodworker. 💕 vulnerability/deconstruction. Calvinist baggage.
This is an instance for folks who follow The Liturgists Podcast, The Alien Podcast, and other things The Liturgists create.