It's incredible how deeply I believe that only a certain number of things are allowed to go right in my life before something MUST go wrongβ€”before I "pay" for the goodness, somehow. I don't know how to operate outside of a scarcity worldview. I've been having intense anxiety lately, convinced a monster is lurking behind every good thing in my radius, waiting to introduce me to "reality" again. Anybody making any headway on ~actually believing~, on a somatic level, in a universe of abundance?

Slow, imperfect progress is better than none at all.

Coming from a cultural and religious climate that conditions us to believe that we live in scarcity rather than abundance may make us feel like there is not enough room for us to speak, to emote, or to just be our beautiful selves. But there is room, dear one.
Say what you need to say.
Feel what you need to feel.
Be who you are.
There is room at the table for you and more.

Will we ever know the difference between a wolf and a dog? (Aeon Magazine) 

I promised myself I wouldn't take more than one class next semester because I'll be slammed working on Research Week events for the university, but there's a philosophy grad seminar being offered focusing on metaphysical paradoxes and if that isn't an elective made for me then what in tarnation is?! 😫

Just deactivated my Twitter account.

I've been putting it off for aaages.

All that's left now is Instagram, which has never felt nearly as toxic to me as the realms of Twitter and Facebook, but I might phase it out by year's end, anyway. My family likes it when I post there as everyone's out-of-state, but at the rate I currently share photos (once every ~2 months), I might as well just drop them into a group text.

Whenever my attention turns to prepping for our Alaska cruise in 3 weeks (!!!) this starts soaring through my head again:

I dragged myself to work today with a sinus infection (no fever! I swear!) just to make sure I didn't leave teammates in the lurch on a couple of projects. They were magically wrapped up by 10am and I was summarily sent home by my boss, who told me: "You're always here. You never miss anything. The world will keep turning without you, we promise." Thanks, work peeps. I needed to hear that. And thanks, universe, for giving me 6 hours back today. I promise not to spend them writing my term paper.

Learn from a tree today. A tree does not have a false self which seeks to become something that it is not. It simply exists in its treeness, letting itself be swayed by the wind, basking in the sunlight. We have been given this gift of consciousness, but instead of using it to be our true selves, in unity with God, people, and all of creation, we seek to be anything other than what we were created to be. And it makes us miserable.

I'm sure this song isn't new to most folks here ("One" by Birdtalker), but the video takes it up a notch.

Also, I appreciate Zhaan (and the storylines that come with her) SO much more this time around ... for obvious reasons.

Rewatching (thanks, Prime) and not only does it hold up, I think I appreciate it more now than I did when I was 18. It's easier to revel in its humor and penchant for capital-w Weird. College Me just wanted to fixate on all the tragic character arcs and black leather. Har.

That awkward moment when you're presenting on the topic of liminality in a literature class while also designing an event flyer for the Center for Limnology and accidentally swap the words in more than one instance. Heh. Thank God I caught on BEFORE presenting + printing. Sorry classmates, I am not actually talking about lakes. And mister research professor sir, I know you're not an expert in the scientific study of thresholds and rites of passage and such. πŸ˜…

It is extremely liberating to not pretend that you know things you don't. It also opens you up to a lot more chances to learn shit. It rules

I resonate with the β€œMother Earth” story now far more than the β€œNot of this world” myth. We are born of this world, we are part of it, not separate from. It is not a place to escape from but to take care of and treat well. Like a mother. She has born us and given us everything we need to grow and survive. The divine feminine in rocks and trees and soil and sky. And we have abused her, our mother.

β€ͺThe crucified body of Christ is in cages at the border.‬

β€ͺ- ‬
β€ͺ ‬

On the Road with Thomas Merton (Emergence Magazine) 

Abolishing daylight savings is just reformism. What we really need is to get rid of linear time entirely.

Should Evolution Treat Our Microbes as Part of Us? (Quanta Magazine) 

On being alone with yourself, from Virginia Woolf's "To the Lighthouse" 

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