It's incredible how deeply I believe that only a certain number of things are allowed to go right in my life before something MUST go wrong—before I "pay" for the goodness, somehow. I don't know how to operate outside of a scarcity worldview. I've been having intense anxiety lately, convinced a monster is lurking behind every good thing in my radius, waiting to introduce me to "reality" again. Anybody making any headway on ~actually believing~, on a somatic level, in a universe of abundance?
@equustel always waiting for the other shoe to fall.
@equustel Am making headway. Having the occasional issue with trauma ie the body consciousness still experiencing that but starting to see a lot of good things manifest.
@equustel I’m reading Brene Brown’s “Daring Greatly,” she has a chapter on this (chapter 4.) She calls it “Foreboding Joy”:
“…I’d argue that joy is probably the most difficult emotion to really feel…In a culture of deep scarcity—of never feeling safe, certain, and sure enough—joy can feel like a setup…We’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
Her antidote? Gratitude. She says it brings you back to present instead of fearing future. I love/ live this, as a stage 4 cancer patient.
@Julie Wow. That's it precisely. Thank you—I've been wanting to read that book for awhile; sounds like now might be the time.
And I can't imagine how much more intense this particular battle must be in your situation. All my love and respect. Sincerely. 💗
@equustel oh, thank you Ali. It’s a GREAT book, life-changing stuff for me, anyways. And thanks for your kind words- most everyone walks a hard road at some point. I’m just super grateful for those who came alongside me during my journey and gently showed me how to LOOK at things differently, which led me to FEEL things differently, which led to a transformed life. Is it weird to be grateful for a life-threatening disease? Probably- but it has changed so very much for me that NEEDED changing.
@equustel I get that. A couple of concepts have helped me.
1) Everything in life is a Cha-Cha. It's always two steps forward and one step back (I'm actually not sure if that is what a cha-cha is) - it's the nature of the universe - and there's nothing "wrong" with it.
2) "Hard" is not the same as "Bad." "Hard" is just "Hard."
Hang in there!
I struggle with a different anxiety. Anxiety is common and you're not alone in it. Not by a long shot. I can't say I've been making strides but I have made baby steps by changing my beliefs over time. I recently came across a book call the power of positive thinking from the 1950s which is supposed to be really good. It's also very cheap. It was being promoted by Practical Psychology on YouTube
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