"there is relationality and attachment within your self structure that allows you to connect to something and practice vulnerability even if nobody is there... "you can have a loving and attuned connection with yourself." says Hillary in the Fear episode which is a repeat I think? This is of course true but you need a masters in counseling or clinical psych to get it it's so dense with terminology. how can we say it in an inclusive integrating way?

@hettie I'm so tired of only connecting with myself, I am not a reliable or safe source.

@hettie which is a lot of why Hillary makes me feel unsafe, she seems to assume a much higher level of inner grace or love than I'm capable of.

@Schusfuster it seems that we both perceive her as if she possessed these qualities. i suspected that my irritation comes from envy. and then i thought about it more and now i think her language appears as a defence against her anxiety that she doesn't have these things any more than you or I. In actuality neither of us know her. Still, I really can't get it out of my head that the more she expresses herself on this higher plane the more inauthentic she appears to me.

@hettie it feels like an assumed intimacy. But I think the other thing is, her anxiety was appearance based, whereas we struggle literally with identifying as human or safe, which is more work.

Aka, we are not the target audience.

@Schusfuster we weren't the target audience of that particular piece, and neither was William, who was talking about something you and I feel and was in a super vulnerable place in that moment. He's the one I feel closest to out of the 4 of them and i guess it is because i sense that he and I had similar experiences of pain and suffering, or we code/make meaning of our pain in a similar fashion.

@hettie I didn't entirely follow William. I connected to a lot of Mike said more closely.

@Schusfuster i was thinking about you as i was listening to Mike.

@hettie yeah. Like, I've always longed for the kind of connection he described.

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