"I guess instinct's the iron skeleton under all our ideas of free will. Unless you're willing to take the pipe or eat the gun or take a long walk off a short dock, you can't say no to some things."
-Bill Denbrough in IT by Stephen King

I've been loving being in nature as much as I can these past few weeks.

bisexuality, queer, trauma 

Realizing that I may never fully explore my bisexual identity with a male because years of experiences have taught me that masc-presenting men are not safe to be vulnerable with. :( How truly fucked up am I?

It may only be a seedling caught on the side of a flower but I love this image...

The real problem with hedonism is that you end up getting a bit attached to this whole "being alive" thing. But I guess it's better than the alternative.

Sometimes when I think about ending my marriage, I struggle to weigh my wife's far superior survival skills against the actual likelihood of Trump driving the country into apocalyptic destruction.

But then I ask myself how likely it is that I'll even live long enough to have to worry about that. 😅

Trans, non-binary, gender, coming out 

Homo sapiens is such a social species that even our individual identities are formed in part by how others view us.

So don't we all fundamentally need the way others see us to change? Some people achieve this through coming out; others, through different pronouns, new clothes, medicines, or surgeries.

This is good because it reveals that we want social connection. We want to more closely blend our inner realities with the one others interact with

Friend: "I think you should invent a unique, strictly singular, non-gendered personal pronoun. I guarantee this will make everyone’s lives better and not just lead to even more assholes giving you shit."
Me: Touché, bitch. 😅

Me: why won't people accept that weed is far superior to alcohol?
Friend: For real. Even after all that last night this morning I just woke up feeling mildly peckish instead of like death in a trash bag.

Stand up for yourself about what you need, whether that's respect, safety, sanity, or more. Don't count on anyone else to stand up for you. Stand up for yourself.

I literally just said to a complete stranger while I was clothes shopping, "If you're being transphobic right now, today just got very, very bad for you." and then looked her right in the eye.

I don't remember the last time I stood up for myself in any way like that.

So I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. :)

"Whatever you resist you become. If you resist anger, you are always angry. If you resist sadness, you are always sad. If you resist suffering, you are always suffering. If you resist confusion, you are always confused.

We think that we resist certain states because they are there, but actually they are there because we resist them."

– Adyashanti

I could make such a soap opera out of my life right now. I finally understand where all the good art comes from.

One very bad thing about scientific papers being behind paywalls is that (competing) pseudoscience isn’t behind paywalls, so it’s easier to find misinformation online than to find facts.

My spouse has been trying to get me to realize I'm not in love with them anymore... they say it's been a problem for several years now.

This morning I find myself in the process of recognizing that she's right. That this was another thing the church taught me to lie to myself about.

Anyone have any experience in this particular path in life?

@jkalt I have thought about this a lot in the past and I agree! I'm interested in gender inequality and it seems to all start changing around adolescence. For the most part, it seems like the adolescents start doing anything they can to get a mate, even if it means abandoning their true interests to look "attractive" to others. This keeps going until they're too old to really change their life trajectories and then they're stuck in unfulfilling gender roles.

Sex is a very important motivator.

I want my tombstone to read,
"and I think it was partly about sex?" -Jordan Kalt

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