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"Deconstructed" engagement/wedding 

I'm curious to hear from others who have given thought to what a "deconstructed" engagement or wedding might look like?

I'm disinterested in practices rooted in patriarchy and capitalism, but am drawn to elements of ceremony and ritual to mark significant events and transformation. Would love your stories or thoughts- on the conceptual or practical details!

"Deconstructed" engagement/wedding 

@sarahgrace do you mean “deconstructed” in the sense of the relationship going away from tradition or convention or the wedding itself? Or both?

"Deconstructed" engagement/wedding 

@Rosemisery the relationship itself definitely already is, I'm curious particularly about how others have thought about/have found ways to move away from engagement & wedding traditions that contribute to restrictive gender norms and spending expectations, and instead what sort of creative alternatives there might be that center more on celebrating an equal coming together in partnership before community!

"Deconstructed" engagement/wedding 

@sarahgrace gotcha. My husband and I were all about thisfromt eh start. It helps that neither of us really struggle from femeine or masculine complexes. Meaning those things weren’t part of our identity. I tend to be little bit of a strong woman and Jeff was never put off or emasculated by that. For example I was going to school to be a mechanic and he is a painter, gardener, and jewelery maker. So we started deconstructed. In that sense (1)

"Deconstructed" engagement/wedding 

@sarahgrace this helped because we freed each other up from insecurities that often come with heteronormitive relationships. I.e I could have male friends, shave my head, travel without him, wear what I wanted, eat whatI wanted, cry when I needed. The and the correlating things were true for Jeff. We weren’t opporating under assumption that the other person had to fit into a box to make our box feel more secure... if that makes sense. (2)

"Deconstructed" engagement/wedding 

@sarahgrace So when it come to engagement I proposed to him. (It was so scary. Props to people who proprose.) In marriage we didn’t want to represent those heteronormative ideas to our friends in our ceremony. So we had both men and women standing with us. My brothers and sister on my side, his brothers and sisters on his. Instead of someone walking me up the aisle We walked towards each other first and the walked together to the alter. (3)

"Deconstructed" engagement/wedding 

@sarahgrace I guess all of that is to say that we wanted our engagement and our marriage to represent what we really believed about marriage, each other, and love. We had separately deconstructed the restrictive gender norms so when we came together we began a sort of reconstruction. Not a reconstruction of gender roles, but a reconstruction of what we think the norm should be. Freedom to express your love without social constraints. (4 and final)

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