@sjcw I distanced myself from my old church community so much that I don't hear that comment, but some of my Christian friends still invite me to come back to church no matter how many times I say I am not interested. It's difficult to feel like people are not respecting your choices or acting like they are valid. I have to remind myself that these friends believe I am going to hell and that helps me tolerate it a bit more. Still feels icky, though.
@sjcw I think for any emotional, public life event that people will ask you about (faith transition, relationship status, grief/loss) it can be helpful to have three scripts ready based on how close the relationship is, for example:
1. People who would sit in your front room "My cactus did die, we are all sad. Thank you for asking."
2. People who could sit in your kitchen
"My cactus did die, it turns out it got a rare plant virus. Everyone is sad, but Billy is taking it the hardest. Thanks so much fur asking."
3. People who are invited in your laundry room.
"My cactus did die, we are all very sad. Billy is taking it the hardest because he confused the watering schedule and is worried the virus thing is his fault. We aren't really sure what to say, but we are all trying to be supportive."
Having some kind of basic script allows you to cope emotionally ahead and know what you want to say. That will help decrease your anxiety in the moment and make you feel more confident and hopefully for the other person more comfortable so you can move on to the conversation. For the people closest to you, you can actually tell them how those questions make you feel. I wouldn't give that to everybody because not every relationship deserves that much emotional labor.
@sjcw Thing I don't do, but the awesome inhibition free version of me totally would: Just throw little pamphlets explaining Fowler's stages of faith at them until they go away.
@y2ksnowglobe yeah it's a weird position to be in, any attempt to convince or explain yourself can be interpreted as an attack on the safety of their belief, so there isn't much you say that will have a lasting effect
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