Pinned toot

Sex/purity culture 

I make this toot knowing I’ll forget to get on Mastodon for another month but hi friends ❤️ I love you.

Today I ordered three pairs of jeans and one fanny pack/sling bag from ethical fashion brands 🙌🏼 Hoping the jeans fit (god I hate online shopping) but really excited to have some long-lasting items that I know are fair trade.

I can’t overstate how validating it was to open Tootdon and see all the new LGBTQ+ affirming emojis :heart_pride: :trans_heart: :heart_gq:

I don’t have many safe spaces where I can be open about my sexuality, and it’s a relief to be reminded that this is one.

Bi til I die, y’all. :pride_flag:

I don’t care what the favorite button is for, I’m continuing to use it as a like button ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now I’m all nostalgic for Gungor. Here’s my last . The last stanza of “Lion of Rock” has made me break down and weep more times than I can remember.

The tiniest speck, just a grain in the wind
But oh how much great in the small
The tiniest body containing the glory
of heaven and angels and god

I don’t say any of that to come to the conclusion that I’m *better* or more faithful. Just realizing that it was a whole lot easier to believe in Christ than I realized. Believing someone would take care of me? Who wouldn’t want to believe that? And really, the message of Christ is really moving. It certainly impacted my life in some really positive ways.

Just not convinced that Christians are very good at “seeing isn’t believing, believing is seeing” and all that good stuff ;)

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I think it’s the people in the in-between who recognize that this world is too complex and beautiful and beyond our understanding - those are the ones who live in faith. I have faith in a life that is meaningful just because I say it is. I don’t have a certainty to put my weight against. I have to just let go and let the wind carry me. It’s scary. There isn’t a protector there to comfort me. There isn’t the same type of confirmation bias to console me. I just have to find rest in my own being.

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And to this day, I still kind of believe that. Not in the same ways, anymore, and not about the same people. There are plenty of atheists who are certain of their stances as there are Christians who are certain, and I don’t think either of those positions take much faith.

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And I remember us all coming to the conclusion that it actually took more faith to be an atheist than to be a Christian. Like, here are all these undeniable ways that God has woven him*self into our world. Deciding that God wasn’t real was taking a bigger leap of faith than believing in God.

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Some thoughts I’ve been mulling over:

I saw God’s Not Dead back in its hay day and actually enjoyed it in the moment (lol) and took part in a bible study using GND workbooks. I remember a big point being made at the time was that there were so many signs woven into the universe that showed a divine maker had created it.

god, grant me:
the strength to lift a bus
the courage to try and lift a bus
the wisdom to know when to lift a bus

My new next door roommate (a one and a half month old baby) has been crying up a storm the past few hours and it’s breaking my heart. All the love to you parents out there. Jeez.

Sex/purity culture 

For so long, I believed that my capacity to love was because of my faith in God and in what was yet to come. I now know, from deep in my bones, that love is more powerful than hell. Love is greater than all the fear I once held over who I would see in the next life. I don’t know if love wins, but I know that it persists. If anything deserves my devotion, it’s that. 4/4 ❤️

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I felt the stone in me crack and felt a love I’d never known was possible. A love that didn’t judge or condemn. A love that overwhelmed as I cried over my queer siblings (and they with me). ⁣/3

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I saw that I was the one who had been lost. And my Mother, for she felt my fear, spoke to me a word that I had heard hundreds of times before. A passage that had lost its meaning within the slogans and the mission trips and the evangelism. ⁣

She said, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”⁣ /2

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